Monday, November 19, 2012

Monday Muse: Friends and Lovers

In lieu of the recent release of What Friends Are For, I decided to put this question to the test. Do friends really make the best lovers? I'd like to say yes, but in my history it is usually the other way around. My lovers tend to make great friends. Funny, I know. But that's just the way it works for me.

I learned early on to not date friends. It just never seemed to work out and, often, I would lose a great friend in the process. Friendships are too important to me. It is rare that I find that person that I can open up and bare all with. So when I do, I like to keep them. So I've always kept a well-defined line between friends and lovers.

That was easy when I married. I had eyes for him and only him. Then we divorced and I went through the gambit of dating again. Not so fun the second time around. I have several single male friends but was never tempted to cross that line. Until two years ago.

A good friend and I had talked about the convenience of "friends with benefits". Both of us single parents with not a lot of time on our hands for dating and things. I forgot my rule, and we ended up spending a night together. I don't regret the night, but I do regret that it seemed to change our friendship. Though we still text occasionally, I haven't seen him since in almost two years. Sure we are busy. But if you want to see someone, you make time. You find time. Neither of us has made the effort.

It saddens me. We went from talking almost every night to not at all. I could play the blame game or do the 'he said/she said' thing. But I've never been one for that. Bottom line is things changed and when they did it opened my eyes. It's quite possible that I liked him as more than a friend from the beginning. He was definitely someone that I wanted in my life. Did I love him? As a friend, absolutely. As more...Honestly, I don't know. The potential could have been there for me. But it is a moot point now.

I wrote my h/h Jacey and Jonas in What Friends Are For as long time friends who become lovers and much more. But the potential for more, the desire for more, was always there for one of them. So does that work in real life? I'd like to believe that it does. Even though my experience has shown differently.

What about you? Did you marry your best friend? Or did your husband become your best friend? Were you friends and then lovers? Or lovers who became friends? And if the friendship came first, was there always an attraction? Or did you just realize one day that there was more there? I'm interested to hear what others have experienced.

I will say this. This year I am most grateful for the best of friends. Luckily, my life overflows with them. I hope yours does, too!

Happy Reading!

Lacey Thorn
It's your world...unlaced...
Twitter: @laceythorn1
Facebook: Author Lacey Thorn


  1. Mate and I were friends (or at least friendly) for years before we finally got together. Is it a good idea for everyone? Not at all but I think that if both parties are on the same wavelength as far as the relationship goes, then it can work.

  2. Excellent! I knew that it had worked for other people. I just seem to be the one who is backwards, lol. I'm glad that it worked out for you two!